Nighttime Reflections: Regaining a More Restful Sleep

The content of our thoughts can be important. But the timing and manner in which we examine them don’t always help us move forward. Useful reflection brings about change—whether in our understanding, a decision, or a question to ask. Rumination, on the other hand, often brings us back to square one, leaving us even more exhausted. The brain hasn’t necessarily identified an urgent issue; it may simply be caught in a loop that gives the impression of being productive.

So I’m interested in this function: thinking sometimes prevents us from experiencing an emotion, gives us a temporary sense of control, or attempts to prevent a mistake. Reasoning isn’t absurd to the person experiencing it. It’s just that it doesn’t live up to its promise. After an hour-long hearing, the case remains open, and the person has lost an hour of rest.

At 2:00 a.m., a problem from earlier in the day takes on a whole new dimension. A clumsy remark turns into a relationship disaster. Tomorrow’s task seems insurmountable. You look for a solution, then glance at the clock. A new worry creeps in: “In this state, how am I going to get through tomorrow?”

Sleep finds itself caught between two tasks: processing the day's events and managing to fall asleep.

Thinking about a problem can lead to a decision. Ruminating, on the other hand, involves going over the same questions again and again without arriving at a useful answer. The difference lies not in the seriousness of the subject, but in what the process produces.

At night, it's helpful to identify what keeps coming back:

Not all of these resources lead to the same type of support.

Sleep also depends on physical factors, lifestyle, substances, and sometimes medications. Persistent insomnia warrants evaluation, especially if it is accompanied by significant drowsiness or other symptoms.

Forchronic insomnia, cognitive-behavioral therapy specifically for insomnia is a first-line treatment. NICE, Management of Insomnia.

EMDR may be helpful when traumatic memories, flashbacks, or sleep-related fears contribute to the problem. It is not a way to “put the brain on standby” nor a guarantee of getting a full night’s sleep.

This distinction prevents us from focusing solely on what happens at bedtime, when a sleep disorder requires its own treatment.

One question can serve as a guide: “Can I take action right now, or am I mainly looking for certainty?” When an action can wait until tomorrow, jotting down a few words can help you set it aside without having to go through the entire analysis.

This isn’t a recipe for sleep. For some people, writing itself turns into a lengthy process of checking and rechecking. The point of coaching is precisely to observe the function of a strategy: does it reduce the struggle, or does it give it a new
form?

You aren't expected to execute a routine perfectly. Sleep shouldn't become yet another area of self-evaluation.

In *How We Think*, published in 1910, John Dewey examines reflective thinking as an inquiry that links a doubt to an examination of reasons. This philosophical detour helps me distinguish between the search for an answer and the perpetual recurrence of an accusation. It is neither a theory ofinsomnia nor a treatment for sleep. A work by John Dewey.

A simple question can serve as a guide the next day: “Did this thought help me figure out what to do, or did it simply demand an impossible certainty?” The goal is not to monitor your mental activity even more closely during the night. Rather, it is to understand—at a more opportune time—what is keeping the cycle going and what constitutes a problem that can actually be solved.

In my notebook, I would write: “Rest does not require that every issue be resolved.” Otherwise, no one would sleep after discovering the world of bureaucracy. We can learn to leave certain questions open, while setting aside time for those that require action. And we can examine the memories, nightmares, or worries that need support. The night doesn’t have to become a second office for all the day’s difficulties. Reestablishing a boundary between thinking and staying awake is already a step in the right direction.

Some thoughts keep coming back because a decision is pending. Others take the form of an internal debate that never reaches a conclusion: Why that sentence? Why that mistake? Why that reaction? It’s helpful to distinguish between them.

Sometimes a decision can be made within a day. Repetitive self-criticism, on the other hand, requires examining your relationship to mistakes, responsibility, or how others perceive you. The content alone is not enough; you must examine what your thoughts lead you to do.

Let's consider a hypothetical situation. A person is reviewing a work-related conversation and preparing alternative responses. By doing so, they hope to avoid another blunder.

But the more she revisits the scene, the more details she finds that may have been misunderstood. The search for protection leads to even greater uncertainty. The work can then focus on this cycle, without concluding that the professional issue is insignificant.

There may also be a memory that surfaces spontaneously, with a very strong sense of presence. This experience is not the same as prolonged, deliberate reflection.

Clarifying this allows us to assess the relevance of trauma-focused work or another approach. That is why I prefer to start with a description of an actual night rather than just the word “rumination,” which can sometimes encompass very different experiences.

Checking the time helps you get your bearings. Constantly checking it can also turn every minute into proof that the night is slipping away. You imagine the next day through this calculation, and thenyour anxiety about the next day intensifies the struggle of the moment. You may end up dreading your bed long before you get into it, because it has become associated with this repeated assessment.

Sleep tracking tools are also open to debate. For some people, jotting down a few key figures helps them understand their sleep patterns. For others, constantly analyzing the numbers only increases their anxiety. A measurement is only useful if it informs a decision or a clinical discussion. It shouldn’t be the sole judge of the quality of your night’s sleep or your ability to face the next day.

For an initial consultation, it may be enough to describe when the problems began, how often they occur, and what happens when you stay awake. You don't need to come in with a minute-by-minute account.

A few examples of thoughts, feelings, and reactions already provide a starting point for understanding. Medical information and possible treatments also have a place in this assessment.

When theEMDR is part of the treatment plan, the goals must remain explicit. These may include working through the emotional impact of a specific scene or a fear related to bedtime.

Changes in sleep patterns are then observed without requiring that they follow immediately after each session. If difficulties persist, the plan should be adaptable. The treatment should never become a new situation in which you feel pressured to quickly produce a good night’s sleep to prove that you’re doing the work correctly.

We can examine when the difficulties began, how they have evolved, the factors that contribute to them, and the appropriateness of targeted intervention. If the difficulties require a specialized approach, that referral is part of the process.

The sessions aren't just about talking about bad nights. They aim to understand how your days and nights are connected.